Wednesday, September 12, 2012


Well I tried to jog. I think I made it four blocks which is a joke. But at least its a start. I felt so tried after walking almost 4 miles. I can do this if I try.

I wish I could find a running partner. Maybe one day. Now I'm off to dream land.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

A new start


It's been a while since I last blogged on here. I have been busy the past few months. I finally found a job here. I really happy there for the most part. My weight has stalled for the most part. I have gain a little back. I'm in the cycle where I lost weight for a lil bit and then gain it  back. I'm so sick of being in my 280's that I don't wanna see it anymore. I have decide that I need to put my mind to it. I can't keep doing this to myself. I have so many things to look forward to.

All I wanna do is lose this weight and get on with my life. The only person that is stopping me from doing that is myself. It's funny how we want something so bad. But yet we sabotage ourselves. I really can't blame anyone for it. So what I have decided to do is that I need some accountability for myself. I try so hard to control what I eat at work. As soon as I get home, it's like a free for all. I need to stop that. I feel like I binge. There is no reason for it.

So what I want to do is make a commitment to myself. Where I will try to the best of my ability to try. It's not to much to eat right and exercise. I really do enjoy walking around here. I was always a walker when I was in New York. But then again I had no choice  with no car. My legs and MTA were my only option.

The other day while I was walking I was wondering why don't I run.I think I don't out of fear. I'm so worried about what other people will think about me doing it. I don't want to look stupid. Here I'm 287 pounds and I'm running. I see so many people that our my size here and they are doing it. So tomorrow I'm gonna try it. I had one of those programs c25k programs on my iphone. I want to try it. Something gotta give. I have a gym membership that I don't use. I'm throwing away money each month for it.

My Goals
  1. Lose weight so I can be more healthier
  2. Try to lose 25 pounds before I visit New York again.
  3. Run on a treadmill
  4. Make it into a size 22 soon.
  5. Eat less
  6. Make commitment to go see nutrionist to help me eat better.
Now I gotta get ready for bed and to walk rocky for the night.


Thursday, January 19, 2012

Been a while

Its been a while since i have blogged. I have now finally getting back I to shape again. Now that the holidays are gone. I gained a lot while they were here. I got lazy I guess. With that 13 pounds came back. My mom was like u need to start losing weight again. You're getting big again. Harsh but the truth.
I got on the scale and it was 298. I was like holy shit. I never wanna see 300 pounds again. It definitely comes back fast. Weight loss is an ongoing process. I decided to get back to what I was doing before. I was successful back when I lost 50 pounds. This time I changed it up. I joined a gym. So I would have some kind of commitment with this weight loss. I joined youfit. It's an inexpensive gym. 20 bucks a month. I really wanted a gym with a pool. But it makes no sense if I can't swim. When I get get skinnier my plan is to take swimming lessons. there is no way I'm living in Florida with not knowing how to swim. Everything comes in time I guess.

Anyways well I guess I had a lot of water weight. I dropped like 13 pounds in 11 days. I know this is not the norm to lose that much in a week. It definitely tells me I need to continue. I have a goal to drop as much water as I can before the summer comes. I really want to go back to NY to visit. I would like to look like I have accomplished something in the time I left from there. I'm more determined now then ever. I just need to save the money to go. I miss my friends so much. I need to get away from here for a bit. Don't get me wrong I love the weather here. But my heart is in my. I gotta get going now and walk my two miles home. Laters.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

At the park

Good morning.

I decided today to post from the park I go when I go on my walk. I'm tried to keep up with my goal to lose weight. Yesterday I walked six miles. Five miles by myself. And another miles walking Rocky for his morning walk. I don't think he likes to walk far. But I wanna keep him as healthy as I can.

I believe when I woke up I was 285.8 and after my walk I was 283.6. I haven't weigh myself yet this morning. As soon as I get I will do it. Sometimes it's hard to do everything before I go out especially before rocky has had his walk.

Last nite I was texting my ex. I was telling him that I was trying I lose weight. He was like u don't need to. U look fine the way u are.And he like I like your curves. I said to him thanks I appreciate u saying that. I really do need to lose the weight. Cuz I don't wanna have to deal with diabetes like other people in my family do. He was like I just want you to be healthy. He always made me feel like my size didn't matter. He cared about me the way I was. I makes me feel good.

I will be back later to update my weight. Ttyl.

Monday, December 5, 2011


Well I guess you can say I have been slacking the past few months. Things didn't work out with my ex. He went back to the same person he was. I thought he could change but he did it to me again. It took me two months to get out of my funk with him. We are still friends. I just decided it's time to do me. If he wants to be in my life, he will make the effort.

It's not worth getting caught up in the past anymore. I have got the opportunity of a new beginning here in Florida. Not many people can say the same. I got good news today. I was offered a job here. Finally I was beginning to think that no one in Florida was getting me and I didn't fit in. I have to give it a chance to. Yes it's not New York City. But it has potentials for being better. I could never in NY were shorts in December. I do miss my friends terribly. But life has to move. I felt in the beginning that I was in a bubble watching everyone else live but me.

One of my reason for moving to Florida was to get healthier. In New York, I never had the time. It's not that my priorities were my friends and work. I never got to see me or take care of me.I let myself go in the process. Looking back, it was my fault. I got this way and now I have to change myself. No one will do it for me. One my biggest reasons why I want to get healthy is that My father has diabetes. It's virtually killing my dad. And he won't do anything to change it. My fear is that I will be just like him. I don't want to have diabetes too. Luckily I have not contact it yet.

Back in September I got down to 268.8 from 320.0. I was so proud of myself. I got lazy and let myself go again. I put on twenty pounds in over three months. I weigh myself on Sunday morning and I was 287.8. I was sad. But I realized that I have come so far to let it all go. Yes I have a lot to go to get to my goal. I will get to my goal. I would really like to be 260.0 by my birthday in February or less. I know a lot of the weight I put on was water. I can lose it again.

My weight today was 285.8. I got 25 pounds to lose. I want this so bad.

Off to bed now.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

My ex

Well last night was interesting. I was on the phone with a friend. I got call waited from a number that I didn't know. At first I wasn't gonna pick it up. I picked it up and it was my ex. I was like wow. Where did this cone from? When I left NY, we left on so so terms. I did get to say goodbye to him. But what I wanted was for him to tell me to stay.

We weren't together a long time. A couple of months. U know when u just vibe with someone. He made me So happy when we were together. I felt safe and secure with him. He was the only guy I could sleep at night with. I thought things were going well. And he decided that us being together wasn't the right thing for him. I was heart broken. We remain friends. I felt that there was more to it. Afterwards things became awkward between us. I wanted what we had and he didn't.

Anyways back to the present now. Tonight we talk like no time had past. I even got him to say I miss u several times. But in the back of my head was like where is this coming from? I know he wants to see me. but why did it take six months for him to do that. I don't want to get attached to him cuz it took so long to get here. But I do want him in my life. I wish he was here with me. Well see what happens.

Monday, September 12, 2011